same old same old

Lately everything I do in my life has been just another check off the list. Every week. Every day. Day after day. The same old same old. Scheduled event after scheduled event, I try to remain in the word and walk by faith, but with my ritualistic schedule, by the time I get down to God in the equation that is life, all I want and have time to do is walk by sight. And that causes me to stumble; more often than I should or have to be. I'm coming to realize that I'm not experiencing life at all, but merely watching it all go by me. I don't do all I want to do for myself. I don't have all the things I want to have. I don't have all the relationships I want to have. I'm not the whole person that right now I think I want or am supposed to be. If I had to die right now, I don't feel like I'd be ready, because I haven't crossed everything off my daily to-do list. I'm afraid I have become not me, but my to-do list.